A Social Media Love Affair

10 Mar

Or a love/hate relationship to be more accurate.

You see, I can’t quite decide whether I really like and embrace Social Media or whether I want to completely banish all SM applications from my life and go back to a simpler life.

As I have been busy designing “the Social Media Awards Beirut”, I got inspired to write a small ‘contemporary poem’ (?).

The-Social-Media-Awards-Design

Poke me

Write on my wall

Confide in me, tell me how you feel

O-v-e-r-s-h-a-r-e the details

Fill my newsfeed with your presence

kylie-confide-in-me

I have let my Firewall down for you

And my browser saved all your Cookies

To get you in my reach

So that you’re almost real

Follow me back, won’t you

I meant it when I “liked” that photo of yours

You look so beautiful on those Instagram shots

Your artsy views on things got me fantasizing

And your Pinterest Boards merge perfectly with mine

Lust

I saw you were downtown on Foursquare

I hope you don’t mind that I planned a trip there too

So I can see you from afar

Wearing that DIY bracelet you “Stumbled Upon”

You look even better than On-screen

In that familiar outfit,

And those shoes you just got yesterday.

You’re like a YouTube video coming to life

And I can’t but stand there

Wondering how real you are,

Holding a pack of your favorite candy

As I see someone step into the photo with you.

He holds your hand, smiling and romantic

Just like that photo you blogged on tumblr last night.

e97495d1770fbf61aafbd002bda4cda7

It all happened so suddenly, I’m puzzled.

I thought that status you wrote was meant for me

And our long chats meant something.

You cheated but you will never know

I killed you but it will never show

Because you’re made of pixels

And honey pixels can’t grow.

😦

BITCH

*Photos from “Vulgar Chic” on Pinterest.

 

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Aside

Thoughts on Death.

15 Dec

Getting existential about life is typical behavior from us poor humans.

But whatever belief system we strongly defend,whatever we do for a living, whatever values we stand for, death is the only truth we always knew.

I was never one to be uncomfortable with death, in fact, I always thought of it as a promise.

You know, like a cumshot at the end of sex, orgasm- the end.

And as we all look forward to that release, I have looked forward to mine as well.

Image

You see, death is everywhere around us. In this very blog if I don’t write on it, on your own laptop if the battery goes away while you’re reading-With every sunset.

With every friendship, that withers when you are trying hopelessly to save it. When a love you thought was real goes sour and your stomach turns, and you start losing your hair/appetite.

Image

With the end of the world in a few days, or the shootings in Connecticut, or the deaths in Syria, I have been reminded of the omnipresence of death.

Today, I decided to go through death, as an experience not a tragedy. And no I don’t mean commit suicide, mum.

Just play-pretend, you know? It can’t be that bad. And all that fear frankly makes me feel like a pussy.

So I decided to be unavailable for a while.

Disappear.

And do this meditation technique by Osho.

I think you should do it too, even if you don’t feel strongly about meditation, or spirituality.

a visit from darkness itself.

a visit from darkness itself.

In the pop culture calendar, the world will end next week; if it does, I think it will look something like this:

(from the beautiful movie “Melancholia” by Lars Von Trier.)

I already miss life after having gone through my macabre day.

Gimmemoah Life after death!

X

Try a little Compassion

14 Oct

Today, as I was driving to work, and the first fall clouds hit the still warm Beirut weather, a woman was crossing the street, an umbrella hanging from her bag, waiting for someone to let her pass.

At that moment, It really hit me, how vulnerable we are as humans.

A little drop of rain and we are in dire need of protection. Just like we all need to eat (previous post), we ALL need protection/shelter: We all need each other.

As I stopped my car to let let the lady cross, she hastily threw herself to the other side of the road so that she doesn’t stand in my way and thanked me apologetically, as if expecting me not to stop, her umbrella almost falling from her bag.

Cars were honking/passing me all along that fraction of a minute I dared to pause to allow a woman in her forties to get to work on time, using the not so good Lebanese public transportation, or probably just walking on her feet, a balancing act with all those motorbikes coming the opposite way of the traffic (as if you haven’t done enough)

at this rate, your chances of surviving as a pedestrian are close to null.

I don’t know what triggered that, but this scene made me cry. Weep even.

I don’t know why I get those outbursts of compassion sometimes, à la Mean Girls,

but It really saddens me how much we don’t care about each other.

A vulnerable woman, who needs protection from the rain, can’t rely on her fellow humans to cross the street safely.

As I went to Yoga class today, I was reminded that we are all one – we are made out of one energy- so open your hearts people.

open your hearts and arms, trolls.

This isn’t a sermon; instead look at it as a slap in the face so that next time you remember to be more loving. And if you don’t then I’ll slap you.

Sit there for a moment, and feel yourself fill up with love. Release a little compassion into the world (sounds like a quiff), we could really use some. I know that we all have anger, and stress doesn’t help, but anger and compassion are the same energy – it’s up to us to transform it.

even in Beirut.

People of the city, for God’s sake stop honking, and let pedestrians cross, even if you’re late and REMEMBER (excerpt from an OSHO talk)

Your neighbor is just a form of you; your enemy is also a form of you. Whatsoever you come across, you come across yourself. You may not recognize because you are not very alert; you may not be able to see yourself in the other, but then something is wrong with your vision, something is wrong with your eyes. COMPASSION is therapeutic.”

Love thy neighbor as thyself?

We’re all in this together, even people who think color blocking is IN this season, this one’s for you:

http://danielleabisaab.blog.com/2012/07/16/were-all-in-this-together/

Maybe you should also listen to this song:

It feels so sexy to be kind; we already agreed that kind is the new mean.

Let me see y’all gimme some compassion-spread the word,

Pictures from this Pinterest board, check it out for moah Inspirational quotes, that will hopefully inspire you to be a better person. thanks Dani!

Hugs (for the pretty ones only)

X

Ramadan Kitsch

7 Aug

Ramadan is the time of year when Muslims all over the world abstain from food, drink, and other physical needs (yes SEX -for you hopefuls-) during the daylight hours.

As the moon dictates (I find that insanely poetic), Ramadan has started on July 20th this year.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been fascinated by this ritual: the starry skies, the prayer according to the sun and moon, the Generosity, the abstinence, sharing and staying up late at an outdoor café, The gathering, the abundance of food, the convivial spirit and the mass effort put into not eating all day even under harsh conditions (construction workers in the scorching heat), all contribute to my fixation

Unfortunately, I have NEVER been invited to a traditional Iftar (the dinner that precedes the fast) in my life, until a couple of days ago when an impromptu iftar comes up and I almost invite myself, eager to experience it for the first time.

I run home from work, get ready, and head to the house located on the suburbs of Beirut. I am directly invited into the kitchen to put my chocolate cake and start tossing the salad as I am sweetly ordered to, by Aunty Intissar (aka Victoria), the host. I already feel at home. I’m then swiftly called to be seated in the dining room; The carpets are burgundy and the chairs covered in floral patterned velvet, C’est kitschissime! My plate is already filled with a portion of rice with fried nuts and vine leaves stuffed with rice and meat which I realize I can’t touch before the Eden starts.

We start off with the rice, and a side soup; the air is filled with scents of sweet spices, buttery rice, Crisco, nuts, smoky chicken stock and some more spices. My lungs are filled with anticipation to sample everything so I can shut down my inner fitness freak. I dig into a creamy carbonara: the distinct flavors of smoked turkey, fresh cream, parmesan and nutmeg are easily delectable – A mouthful of Beef with ginger and vegetables later, and I am already full. I follow with some more rice, as I am served a cold “jallab”( a drink made from carob, dates, grape molasses and rose water with pine nuts on top.) and I don’t skip the salad for my dose of comforting greens, just what I need to refresh my palate after all the mains.

Ok, I’m so full again just talking about the subject, and I hope you are too and that you will skip a meal and thank me later.

BECAUSE:

YEA!

On a final note, seeing the Egyptian Fawazir (TV series specific for the holy month) my parents used to watch, I grew up absolutely mesmerized by Sherihan who was my very Glamorous introduction to islam; All that glitz would put Liza Minelli to shame! But really, I think she represents Ramadan so well: the visual richness, the variation, the fusion, the explosion of colors, and surtout le Kitsch, is all emulated with the food.WATCH this baby down here:

Gimmemoah Ramadan Exotism

X

Pale is the NEW tan?

18 Jun

Hello there.

The beach season has officially started since early June for us fortunate Mediterraneans.

Da hipster Beach

BUT! We found a way to f*ck it up and make more money: turning beach resorts into party places. Although trance music and booze à gogo aren’t exactly ideal for a day at the beach in my book, they became the standard in Top notch resorts that cost an arm and a leg to step into. Once you pay the hefty fee, you have to be aware of certain guidelines that everyone there follows religiously.

This summer, forget about relaxing at the beach by reading a book and building sand castles; Do it the Cosmopolitan, Beiruti way-Follow my “Commandments to look like a high street male/female hooker at the beach”

1-      Don’t swim. Obviously, you can’t party AND swim at the same time. Those (distasteful) designer shades are not salt water friendly. Oh and girlfriend’s weave is not to be seen by the public in its natural, wet state.

2-       So you will only “lounge” by the pool bar, occupying your hands with a drink and enthusiastic fist-pumping occasionally sitting on the water submerged bar stools! An architectural wonder, I tell you.

3-      If you’re a girl, you will need to wear your highest heels. A good workout for your calves, it’s also every man’s fantasy to see a girl in nothing but stilettos. Your teeny weenie bikini should be as close to nothing as possible.

4-      If you’re a guy, wear your bathing suit short AND tight. Let everyone know the brand. And shave your armpits.

5- No reading books by the pool: Because party rockers don’t do books. And even if you did, the resort staff will ensure you can’t concentrate by turning up the volume at the sight of anything readable. Anyways, your hands will be TOO oily to hold a book, or your children for that matter (they can play with the maid in the kiddies pool in the meantime), or even sunscreen-which takes us to rule number 6.

6- NO SUNSCREEN. Or anything with the letters S.P.F written on it. You will fry your skin with the purest baby oil, making sure you get equally sun Burnt from all sides (360 tan) while the mixture of mineral oil and sweat glistens on your skin and you’re THAT close to a nip slip. Oh fuck it just let it slip (When no one is looking). Walk around all of the resort for maximum coverage.

Aim For Donatella Versace Brown

7- You won’t leave your chaise-longue before you start looking like a Mahogany leather couch. UNLESS you are using tanning beds and SPRAY TANS as a complementary treat for your skin. And our eyes.

In that case, you probably look like this

Walking Sun Bed, Miss Maya Diab

Myriam Klink tan fail. Her Pussy didn’t stain.

tanning disaster mum

You can count on Paris Hilton for fashion disasters

you know you’ve had too much blow when Spray tan gets in your hair.

Now, What if I tell you tan enthusiasts that PALE(don’t cringe) is the NEW tan?

Yes. Just like the old days, when getting a tan indicated that you are from a lower class.

Seriously! Whatever happened to milky skin being beautiful as is? Who set this cancer inflicting habit upon us?

Here’s a small reminder of the grace of having well protected skin.

The Olsens rocking the pale look

another Pale beauty.

Get your sun lotions, hats, sunglasses, umbrellas out and take them for a plunge! (without pulling a Madonna circa 2009).

And Remember, a healthy tan will make you look sun kissed. NOT SUN FUCKED – so stick with foreplay, it’s always safer.

If you want to pull a Brigitte Bardot this weekend, I recommend you go to Lazy B (if you’re in the region); It’s hip, hedonistic and beachy. (no parties).

this is Beach-Chic

Ok I think I made my point here. Beach. Sand. Wet. Swimming. Sharks. Relaxing. Reading. Jogging. Sunscreen. Healthy. are all antonyms of a tan mishap. That said, go on http://www.paleisthenewtan.com/ for moah tan disasters.

X

Paper dress.

13 May

On a time I was vainly obsessed with  beauty.

back when you looked delicate. Like you could do no harm.

Like a paper dress

sketched, perfectly drawn

hug my figure,

flirt with my emballage

fold in half – bend twice

twist the rules, skip to 12

Your delicate chiffon sound

lingers in my brain and reverberates

My dead cells invigorates

As I look at you in awe

by Comme des Garcons

Hug my bones, Grip me tight

So thin and bean sprout-like

Careful not to crush my skeleton, beau

For tiny particles are most difficult to sow

Sketchy dress, drawn

Perfectly executed

you wet me with your mollusk licks

It’s not because we stick that we mix

Your cling is so intense!

Determined to take hold of me

I’m so wary it’s too tight

I’m wary we might break, dear

Go on and flirt with my emballage

Little wafer dress

Don’t you origami your way out of me

I’m inked forever on your pages

you know how hard I prayed

for you to come to life

the day my pencil outlined your features

I vainly thought you needed my grace,

and a wire hanger to replace

but you stood on your own

took me aback when you hardened

paper,rock,scissors

Perhaps my sweat caused you to freeze

now paper cuts pound in every inch of me

Not that I’m trembling

it’s the cuts throbbing

like paper wings in the wind

fluttering away from this macabre shindig

erasing every mark they ever left

hovering up up and away

they snap, crackle and pop!

in a delicate chiffon sound

lingering in my brain at a slow reverb rate

Leaving haunting chiffon sounds

echoing in my brain like acid rain.

(Than you Rayan for the song)

with a little humor. So you don’t think I’m emo.

Dancing Lana Del Rey … Yey!

24 Apr

So I came across this Uber Cool website with a dancing Lana in random locations.

And I thought I’d share it!

In case you didn’t see her now infamous SNL ‘performance’ to know what I’m talking about, here it is:

Beware: this.is.trippy.

Lana Dancing with Madonna

Keep Calm and Spin

dancing her sorrows away to Celine Dion

Dancing at the barn

Dancing with Mark Wahlberg's foot

The Blender dance

Dancing with Tupac

Dancing with MJ. Beat it.

Relax B

Valse with Angelina Jolie's right leg

The website also invites you to make your own. And yes I’m bored, so here:

Dancing with Britney Spears

Dancing Queen!

Dancing in Baalback

Dancing in Paris

Dancing troubles away

I know you want moah (because too much is not enough) , so here:

http://lanadelreydancing.tumblr.com

What does Lana think?

errrr

This made my day,

Perhaps yours too?

@GhPhilippe on Twitter / http://pinterest.com/gimmemoah/ on Pinterest